We're going fast here... next up in our series of Fest-related interviews, it's time for The Dwarves!
PRT: Would you still drink Pabst Blue Ribbon if it was called Pabst Pink Ribbon?
Blag: Yes, but you’d have to serve it in an enema bag.
PRT: What’s your favorite Fest venue to play in and why?
Blag: Are there any that aren’t in Flordia?
PRT: Fest-bands play house shows, parking lot shows and hotel room shows. What's the most outrageous place you ‘ve ever played a show? And on that same note… where would you never want to play a show?
Blag: We played at Bashr al- Assad’s birthday party this year. We felt it was important to inject some rollicking good humor into the situation in Syria. We often find there’s nothing that a few punk songs and some dick jokes can’t fix.
PRT: Name one thing Fest is missing. "Groupies" is not a valid answer.
Blag: I agree. Too many so-called ‘Groupies’ don’t realize that sucking dick is part of the job description. If you just want to hang out and be tedious you don’t really count as a ‘Groupie’ in the strictest sense of the word. Also, even if you live in a squat house, you still need to shower before sleeping with me. After is optional but highly recommended. What was the question again?
PRT: What’s the one thing you need at Fest?
Blag: A gold plated bidet.
PRT: What's the best thing about the Fest?
Blag: On site pet grooming service? Olympic size Jacuzzi? Mixed gender softball team?
PRT: What sucks about the Fest?
Blag: The bands that aren’t us.
PRT: On a scale from 1 to 10... With 1 being Lindsay Lohan and 10 being Charlie Sheen... How hard will you party and how do you plan on doing that?
Blag: Like Lohan and Sheen we plan to win twice before breakfast, then ingest ‘whatever’ before the apocalypse hits and it all goes horribly awry.
PRT: Why should people come see your band out of the zillion other bands at the Fest?
Blag: We’re the only good one.
PRT: Name one artist that should (really) never play The Fest. Why?
Blag: Bachman-Turner Overdrive should really never play the Fest. Because they’re Canadian.
PRT: For those out there wanting to meet Tony… can you describe him in one sentence?
Blag: A toilet with a heart.