Features

A couple of weeks before yet another year comes to a grinding halt, The Brokedowns dropped one helluva new album. It’s called “Life Is A Breeze” and if you haven’t checked it out yet, I suggest you do so now, if only because part of the proceeds of the album will help make Toby from Red Scare Records a millionaire. Seeing as we were totally uninspired (it’s hard to think of anything but the Christmas presents we will get), we decided to go with a bunch of seemingly random questions, all of which are based on the new album’s song titles. Lesser bands would’ve said thanks, but no thanks. Luckily for us, vocalist/guitarist Kris Megyery obliged and sent us some of the most random and funniest answers of the year.

PRT: “Joliet, The Maui Of The Midwest” / Why would I book my holiday to Joliet instead of Maui? Joliet's cold as fuck in winter.

Kris: You would book your holiday in Joliet if you were an amphetamine connoisseur and wanted to tour the facilities where Tito "The Snake" Dudley cooked his first batch of Crystal Lightning.  I guess if you're a square and not into riding the snake, I would go to Maui.

PRT: “The Gospel Of Mustafa” / What is your favorite thing about Christianity? (please explain, too... thanks! Jesus loves you)

Kris: Most of the Jesus stuff that doesn't involve magic is fine and dandy.  Isn't there some Kurt Vonnegut quote like "I would rather live amongst rattlesnakes than live with those who disagree with the sermon on the mount"?  But if I have to pick one I think the glorious poetry of Gary Busey would be my favorite part thus far in the last 2000 years.

PRT: “Life Is A Breeze” / If life really is a breeze, why do so many people suck at sailing?

Kris: Sailing is for ancient troglodytes and dudes in Polo ads.  Get a jet ski you posers.

PRT: “Murder Junkie/CPA” / Your preferred way to kill somebody?

Kris: Kindness... Or drone strike.

PRT: “Everything Is Immoral” / Everything may be immoral, fair enough, but what is the single most immoral thing on this planet, according to you?

Kris: Anything that exists outside of the provisions of Sharia Law.  Except for cotton candy-flavored blunt wraps and the Fast and the Furious franchise.

PRT: “Born On The Bayou Too” / CCR or The Eagles?

Kris: What kind of bullshit is this?  Is there some bizzaro world where those two bands are equals?  Creedence are gods.  The Eagles are shit... Although "Take It Easy" is a serious jam.  I think Jackson Browne wrote that though and he was never in The Eagles... I guess Joe Walsh is pretty good too.

PRT: “What A Drag” / Who in the band would make the best drag queen? And why?

Kris: If you could take my feminine face and place it on Eric's "athletic grandmother" body we would be unstoppable.

PRT: “The End Is Not Near” / For whom? We're 30-somethings and sometimes we really start to fear the reaper.

Kris: For us , yeah that shit is pretty near.  If B.O.C. taught us anything it's to NOT fear the reaper... And some shit about Godzilla.

PRT: “Bless This Mess” / Can you bless our website too?

Kris: Give me a minute... Done.  Congrats on all of the future success!

PRT: “Cash For Gold” / Johnny Cash or Goldfinger?

Kris: Again with this?  How dare you even compare the two.  One is an American institution.  Arguably the most groundbreaking songwriters of all time.  And the other is plain old Johnny Cash.

PRT: “DIY Space Program” / How would one go about starting a space program in his/her garage? And on that matter, who in the band has the biggest rocket?

Kris: You're definitely gonna want to start on Google.  Start small with simple searches like "How to make a homemade rocket" or "where can one acquire uranium".  Make sure to use your own computer.

PRT: “Vapor Chase” / Other than vapor, what would be a good thing to chase as a band?

Kris: We are big fatsos so it's going to have to be something slow.  I'm going to go with a quadruple amputee or a turtle on Xanax.

PRT: “I Respect Your Right To Always Be Wrong About Everything” / What is the one thing you were wrong about and that you still regret?

Kris: That the internet was just a fad.  But the jury is still out on that one.

PRT: “God Hates Math” / Hate often stems from ignorance. Are you saying God doesn't know how to do long division?

Kris: He's gotta be at least pre-calc.  Right?

PRT: “Keep Branson Weird” / Why do you want Richard Branson to stay weird?

Kris: The title refers to Branson, Missouri which is where the freaks go to get freaky.  It's like being at the Moulin Rouge on ecstasy all year round.

PRT: “A Child's Guide To Black Metal” / What would be your Black Metal band name and, of course, your artist moniker?

Kris: GOAT PROTECTOR would be the band name.  The current lineup is Jaans Daka, Vvegan Brvnch, Lars Ulrich, and Necrobaristam.