Movie Reviews

Thousands of years ago a bunch of aliens called the Osiris came to earth and taught us everything about astronomy, culture and building huge pyramids. All they wanted in return was our entire planet and us as their slaves so it makes total sense that they taught us all that stuff first. Anyway, the pharaoh at the time didn’t seem to think this would be a good development and somehow managed to lock the aliens in a pyramid just when they were about to call their king. Pheww, we dodged a bullet there! But then 5000 years later an archeological expedition is looking for the pyramid just around the time the stars are in perfect alignment to have a direct line to the king again. Will we be equally lucky this time?

There’s a lot more to the story but I’m not going to bother with it because things never get very interesting. They seem to be aiming for an exciting sci fi flick with some Egyptian lore weaved in but the end result doesn’t look any better than your average Stargate episode. This also has to be one of the most uneventful movies ever made. And when an action sequence actually kicks in, it doesn’t make a helluva lot of sense. There is this one scene where they enter the tomb for the first time and run into a zillion beehives. What do they do? Swing an axe at them of course! Well, until a guy walks in with a flamethrower, which as we all know is standard equipment at an archeological dig.

The ending is where things get even worse. It’s as if all inspiration had somehow left the makers at this point and they just wanted this movie to stop already. So they haphazardly slapped some crappy computer effects together and called it a day. If you thought Stargate was the shit, this might be worth your time. After all, it’s obvious you like crap.