Movie Reviews

Do you like trashy movies? I sure do. I even managed to sit through most of Showgirls once. Here’s another one for you… this one is called Zombie Hunter. Guess what it’s about?

First-time director Kevin King takes us to a post-apocalyptic world where a street drug named Natas (what’s that spelled backwards?) turns junkies into flesh-eaters. The hunter from the title (‘I don’t have a name’.. wait for it… ‘not anymore’) drives around in a beat-up Camero with a trunk full of guns and a thirst for vengeance. He runs into a small group of survivors led by an ax-wielding priest named Jesus (Danny Trejo) who are on their way to the promised land. In order to get there though, they have to pass through a town called Dahmer (hardy har har) which is full of zombies.

This all sounds way more exciting when you read it instead of watch it. The way these characters read their lines is just terrible and I don’t think they had a parody in mind. Well, it may have been the idea… I’m not sure. If it was, they failed. Shit’s not even funny.

Here are some things that were funny though… in a game-like sequence shot through a purple filter (they do a lot of that in the movie) we see Danny Trejo killing zombies with an ax while shitty dubstep is playing. There is one scene where a stripper starts dancing after placing a tape in a boombox. A tape! I thought this movie was supposed to take place in the future. So tapes are making a comeback? Did I mention that the stripper doesn’t even show her tits? In fact, we don’t get to see any tits in this movie which is like completely ignoring half of the formula that made this kind of movie work for decades. As if Danny Trejo realized this movie was going to be complete shit and was looking for a way out, he gets decapitated after barely 20 minutes.

In short, this is kinda like Planet Terror… if you strip away everything that was awesome about that one.