Features

Screeching Weasel - How To Make Enemies And Irritate People

You simply can’t make a list like this and leave out Screeching Weasel’s 1994 album. If there is one ‘how to’ album in this list you can really learn something from, it’s this one. After all, nobody better to teach you about pissing people off than Ben Weasel. What’s that saying again? Do as I say, not as I do? In Ben Weasel’s case, they are pretty much the same thing. If this had indeed been their last album, they would have gone out on an absolute high while waving a middle finger in just about everyone's face.

The Dwarves - How To Win Friends and Influence People

After you have alienated everything and everyone in your life thanks to Screeching Weasel, it is time to win them all back. And who better to teach you that particular skill than Blag Dahlia. Winning back friends will be a breeze after spending some time with hits like ‘Dominator’, ‘Fuck You Up And Get High’ and ‘Surfing The Intercourse Barn’.

Propagandhi - How To Clean Everything

Having listened to The Dwarves, you might feel the need to clean shit up. Well, thanks to Propagandhi you will know exactly how to go about it. The Canadians’ 1993 album is chock full of high speed melodic punk rock and handy pointers. This in spite of the fact that it contains a song called ‘Stick the Fucking Flag Up Your Goddam Ass, You Sonofabitch,’ which doesn’t strike us as a particularly sanitary thing to do.

Useless ID - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

Here’s the part of the feature where we get to more particular skills. But hey, you never know when they might come in handy. Like, if you ever wind up in the plot of a James Bond movie and end up having to dismantle an atomic bomb. You could of course rely on Bono and the rest of U2, but Israel’s finest seems like the smarter choice.

Hüsker Dü - How To Skin A Cat

Admittedly, this one is a bit niche. But if you ever end up starting a cat ranch in Lacon with 100.000 cats, you are going to thank Bob Mould, Grant Hart and Greg Norton for this one.